We believe in curses.
The names we’ve been called,
The feeling we were being
Overlooked on the playground
The whispers behind our backs
The quickly muttered greetings
& sideways glances
Hands held between people
But not ours.
We shared our lunch with
No one on a picnic blanket
Meant for two.
Is it the color of our hair
Or the size of our frame
That make them doubt us so?
Or is it that feeling
Deep in the gut
Bubbling underneath the awareness
That’s let them know
Something sinister is lurking?
Would you hurt me
If I asked you to
Would you strip away my dignity
And undress me with your eyes
Let me tremble beneath
Your hungry gaze
Even as I covered over
My naked body with my hands
And sank to the cold
Bathroom floor
Until the tears came
And I sobbed
Victimized
But I asked for it, right?
So, you’re off the hook.
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She stands still, looking out over the sea
I hold my breath, watching from an upstairs window
Does she know she isn’t alone?
A breeze takes her by surprise, and a curl
Of hair is pulled from her cap
Blowing gently across her face.
Does she sense another presence,
Another pair of eyes-observing?
There is a noise in the distance, and
She abruptly turns her head to locate.
I instinctively take a step back in my place
Of concealment
But I have no reason to cower
The shadows give me the upper hand
Does she know she is my salvation?
Everything is so much simpler than
I had previously thought
For all my calculations and detailed notes-
My breathe still catches every time
She moves.
Observation is not understanding, but
It’s pretty close
And anticipation carries a purpose
Does she sense, in her bones, my
Ache and longing?
Before I realize what’s happening
I’m reaching out to take hold-
My arm, exposed to the moonlight,
My hand slowly closing into a fist.
As the waves crash along the shore
She’s dropping to her knees
Clutching at her throat
Scratching for breath,
Staining her soft white neck
With a frenzy of red.
I realize this is my choice
I realize I deserve this
And at the same time
It will also prove to be my undoing.
But I have waited
I have kept still and quiet
In the shadows
And as my grip tightens,
I watch her reach out once more
To the hissing night-
Before tumbling down
Into the ocean.
Then all is still
The deed is done
I only hope to God
The ocean will
Wash away my sins.
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The cabin air feels tight
Depressurizing
And as I sit here not yet realizing
What’s happening,
A picture pops into my head
Of you, eating grapes
At our table
Laughing at the ordinary moment
Of me dropping my milk
“Typical” You smirked
And that smile lingers
On the horizon as I
Softly go to sleep
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Do I write for fun?
Or when the power of words hit me?
Do I write to process, to understand
The beauty of things that surround?
Would I write if energy was freely given,
Flowing to me in a continuous
And purifying rain of words?
If the bones in my hand didn’t ache
As I typed
And my heavy head wasn’t throbbing
From buried pain?
If my day wasn’t congested with
Chores and human frailties
Could I produce
A brilliant new world?
Or would I still sit here, wilting
Creativity dripping down the
Sides of my face
Not knowing how to come back from all this madness?
Photo Credit: Wouter de Bruijn via Compfight cc
From Where She Stands 