Category: betrayal

Hidden Truth

by Helena Toto, posted in betrayal, fake, Fear, Medicine, mental illness, pain, Poetry

 

 

Where they sent me

To recover

Destroyed parts of me

Unseen

The soft parts

Of my underbelly

Soiled

And broken,

I’m

Like a doll

Who cocks her head

And smiles on cue

Open my mouth

And take a pill

To swallow the crazy

That no one else

Wants to see

Photo Credit: .v1ctor Casale. Flickr via Compfight cc

I asked for it

by Helena Toto, posted in ache, alone, betrayal, Consequence, Fear, hurt, Self, trauma

Would you hurt me

If I asked you to

 

Would you strip away my dignity

And undress me with your eyes

 

Let me tremble beneath

Your hungry gaze

 

Even as I covered over

My naked body with my hands

 

And sank to the cold

Bathroom floor

 

Until the tears came

And I sobbed

 

Victimized

But I asked for it, right?

 

So, you’re off the hook.

Photo Credit: mitchell haindfield Flickr via Compfight cc

Vengeance

by Helena Toto, posted in ache, betrayal, Choice, Uncategorized

She stands still, looking out over the sea

I hold my breath, watching from an upstairs window

Does she know she isn’t alone?

 

A breeze takes her by surprise, and a curl

Of hair is pulled from her cap

Blowing gently across her face.

 

Does she sense another presence,

Another pair of eyes-observing?

There is a noise in the distance, and

She abruptly turns her head to locate.

 

I instinctively take a step back in my place

Of concealment

But I have no reason to cower

The shadows give me the upper hand

Does she know she is my salvation?

 

Everything is so much simpler than

I had previously thought

For all my calculations and detailed notes-

My breathe still catches every time

She moves.

 

Observation is not understanding, but

It’s pretty close

And anticipation carries a purpose

Does she sense, in her bones, my

Ache and longing?

 

Before I realize what’s happening

I’m reaching out to take hold-

My arm, exposed to the moonlight,

My hand slowly closing into a fist.

 

As the waves crash along the shore

She’s dropping to her knees

Clutching at her throat

Scratching for breath,

Staining her soft white neck

With a frenzy of red.

 

I realize this is my choice

I realize I deserve this

And at the same time

It will also prove to be my undoing.

 

But I have waited

I have kept still and quiet

In the shadows

 

And as my grip tightens,

I watch her reach out once more

To the hissing night-

Before tumbling down

Into the ocean.

 

Then all is still

The deed is done

I only hope to God

The ocean will

Wash away my sins.

Photo Credit: SageScapes Flickr via Compfight cc

Run

by Helena Toto, posted in abuse, alone, betrayal, darkness, death, Fear, friend, monster, pain, poem, Poetry

She came to my door
Broken and shamed
Last night to explain
The unexplainable
How she rose above
The light until
She reached the
Darkness of
Your might.
It could
Be easy to
Pretend
But you
Know
That’s
Not
What
She’ll
Do.

photo credit: digitalblasphemy.com

Burned

by Helena Toto, posted in aging, betrayal, dreams, Loneliness, Love, pain, Poetry

Underneath your wings
I used to lie
Breathing softly
Hidden from the world

Upon sanded beaches
Once I craved
The wind as it
Rushed onward

Up from valleys below
Caught between the realities
Sung of
In ancient lullabies

Before feeling brought
Pain and loving
Produced everything
But hate

Now I long for the
Protection and sanctification
Once given to a little child born
In the haunted memories of long ago

Ignored, though never
discarded
Living vividly
Behind an old man’s eyes

Photo Credit: instragram.com/amirkuckovic via Compfight cc