Tag: Poetry

Re-Do

by Helena Toto, posted in Choice, Consequence, dreams, Fear, happiness, life, Loneliness, Love, memory, Poetry

What works for me?
What pushes me to be better?
Who gets to see that part of me?
Apart from all the bull shit.

Apart from the burden I feel
Every time I wake up
The choices I’ve made
Have led me here

Have led me away from you
But in another time &
Another place
I would be with you,

Holding your hand
Smiling
Instead of sitting here
Alone, Stagnant

Trapped by what I’ve chosen
What wouldn’t I give up now
To go back and decide again
To make that defining choice, differently

To walk into the sunset with you
Instead of turning back
And choosing familiar
Over the new possible.

Photo Credit: Ennor via Compfight cc

Silent

by Helena Toto, posted in etiquette, hurt, job, pain, poem, Poetry, protocol, silence, silent, words

Your hand reaches out
Taking hold of my throat
Closing, closing
Choking the goodness from my lungs

Seeping, sweeping onto the floor
Crumpling down
Down I go
Losing consciousness

For a moment,
Taking me by surprise
Your words hit me
This time

Like they haven’t before
Revealing the stain of pain behind my eyes

But this is my job
To listen
To not hurt, to not react

So I deaden my eyes
Forcing a smile

Not giving myself away

Photo Credit: Jeremy Wilburn via Compfight cc

Why I don’t Write

by Helena Toto, posted in ache, belief, Fear, Loneliness, longing, pain, poem, Poetry, reasons, why, writing

Do I write for fun?
Or when the power of words hit me?
Do I write to process, to understand
The beauty of things that surround?

Would I write if energy was freely given,
Flowing to me in a continuous
And purifying rain of words?

If the bones in my hand didn’t ache
As I typed
And my heavy head wasn’t throbbing
From buried pain?

If my day wasn’t congested with
Chores and human frailties
Could I produce
A brilliant new world?

Or would I still sit here, wilting
Creativity dripping down the
Sides of my face
Not knowing how to come back from all this madness?

Photo Credit: Wouter de Bruijn via Compfight cc

Ache

by Helena Toto, posted in belief, darkness, dreams, Fear, moon, night, poem, Poetry, regret, sadness, trapped

To be continually confined,
Scratching at the high walls of my
Cell until my fingers
Bleed, with no one listening to my
Whimpers except the moon.

She’s the only one who never
Gave up – on me –
Continued to shine on –
Despite all I’ve done

I keep desperate hold on that thought
As I lay down each night to sleep –
Holding my blanket of moonbeams
As I dream of all that
Could have been.

Photo credit:
DigitalBlasphemy.com

Release

by Helena Toto, posted in hope, meditation, peace, Poetry

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My burdened mind
Into the now
So I’m no longer haunted
By my past

The voices that judge
The sounds that disturb
My peace
Give way to nothing

And I’m here.
For the first time in my life,
I’m really here.

Photo Credit: Giuseppe Milo (www.pixael.com) via Compfight cc

 

Run

by Helena Toto, posted in abuse, alone, betrayal, darkness, death, Fear, friend, monster, pain, poem, Poetry

She came to my door
Broken and shamed
Last night to explain
The unexplainable
How she rose above
The light until
She reached the
Darkness of
Your might.
It could
Be easy to
Pretend
But you
Know
That’s
Not
What
She’ll
Do.

photo credit: digitalblasphemy.com

Witness

by Helena Toto, posted in birth, child, death, life, memory, Poetry, trauma

She took you away.
To fill her head and
I held you close.

You’re crying. And I’m
dying and I don’t have
any more to give.
Except my life for you.

So remember that day when
the sky turned golden and
the earth spilled you out
into the snow.
Wet and red.

Photo Credit: zen via Compfight cc

Burned

by Helena Toto, posted in aging, betrayal, dreams, Loneliness, Love, pain, Poetry

Underneath your wings
I used to lie
Breathing softly
Hidden from the world

Upon sanded beaches
Once I craved
The wind as it
Rushed onward

Up from valleys below
Caught between the realities
Sung of
In ancient lullabies

Before feeling brought
Pain and loving
Produced everything
But hate

Now I long for the
Protection and sanctification
Once given to a little child born
In the haunted memories of long ago

Ignored, though never
discarded
Living vividly
Behind an old man’s eyes

Photo Credit: instragram.com/amirkuckovic via Compfight cc

Wife

by Helena Toto, posted in marriage, Poetry, standards

I press the button, but nothing happens.
She doesn’t cock her head or say hello.
Her dead eyes don’t blink and her hand doesn’t wave.
I want my money back.

Photo Credit: *TatianaB* via Compfight cc

Reverie

by Helena Toto, posted in Poetry

Soundly sleeping underneath the waves
While she is guarded from above.
What dreams come
To she so sweet,
Covered with moss and ivy?
Kidnappings and skirmishes,
Love and loss,
Or is she surrounded with a nothingness-
A blank canvas,
Content to just be,
Engulfed in the water
That has always held her tight?